walking dogs; it is what you make it.

today i watched my (almost) ten year old son struggle with this concept & it made me see that this is a truth i've been fighting for most of my awakened life. well, maybe "struggle" isn't the right word... he didn't just question such a statement as much as he outright refused it. he tossed the wisdom aside angrily, arguing that it absolutely was NOT within his power to to see positivity in a world that is so utterly against him. *giggle*
the drama begins as we agree to take the dogs on a walk & he chooses to ride his bicycle even though there were some pretty treacherous winds blowing through our neighborhood. he becomes increasingly frustrated with the resistance, but maybe more so with the attention i'm paying to these dogs we're sitting for the week. "MOM! i can't ride in this weather! MOM!!" he rages, as i'm tripping on two overly-excited dogs while trying not to be blown away myself. did i mention these dogs suck at walking on a leash? needless to say, i'm pretty distracted. a huge gust rolls through & this exasperated little boy falls dramatically to the ground entangled in the metal frame of his bike. well, if you know jude, this ruined everything for him. the winds died down, but the damage was done. i tried my best to soothe him with this incredible idea that we are in charge of how we choose to respond to the stimuli around us. but nobody likes to hear that the obstacle they've just encountered could be an opportunity... even if spoken in the sweetest mom-voice imaginable.
if someone handed jude that proverbial glass, he'd definitely see it as half-empty, & you know what? that's perfectly fine. i have so much respect for the fact that he can't help but see the world the way he sees it & so much admiration for his inability to be anything other than 100% authentic in every situation. he's not here to sugar coat a single second of his experience & he's not afraid to let you know that. he's going to question every step of the journey & he doesn't give a shit about your inspirational quotes if he's unable to see the practical application.
i wish i were more like jude. instead i've spent my whole life balancing an inherent selfishness with the innate desire to also please everyone around me. what an act! i think the self-serving comes from fear of lacking something or not being provided for, while the people-pleasing is a product of feeling responsible for the sustenance of others. if i keep them happy, they can keep me feeling fulfilled, right?
i know i've sort of derailed from the original idea here, but i think there is connection to be found in all of this. in short, each day is what you make it. each moment is what you make it. you're ultimately in charge of whether that next mountain (or molehill) you encounter is an impossible obstacle or an awe-inspiring adventure. if i can make the choice to be thrilled instead of encumbered, i'll be scaling many more mountains much more quickly. & if i can trust that no matter how much i'm given, i can decide that it's enough.. i'll waste far less time attempting to hoard happiness. & lastly, if i can find it in myself to have faith in the capability of others to make these same choices then i won't end up carrying unnecessary weight in my travels.

eventually, jude came around. i know that i'm only planting seeds & that fruition will take time, but teaching him teaches me even more. through his eyes, i can see where my words aren't backed up by action & it encourages me to practice what i preach. tonight i am going to sleep knowing that tomorrow is another opportunity to enjoy the dance. i hope you can rest easy in that knowledge as well. 💖