looking into the mirror.

interpersonal relationships are not easy.
watching the ones you care for experience a multitude of pains and pleasures is no simple thing. witnessing the Ego of the ones you expend your precious heart chakra energy on can get us humans pretty ensnared sometimes.

if i have learned anything from my times of moving around & making new friends, it is that the only common denominator in any interpersonal equation that i have a semblance of control over is myself. i've never quite mastered form-fitting others into the molds i make, never known how to transplant my own experience into their unreadied consciousnesses. but sure enough, people will tear each other down in the process.
there is no way to prevent people from hurting you, or themselves.. especially if one or more of the parties involved *think* they're doing it out of love. thinking.. that's our first problem, isn't it?

my guru teaches us to be in a constant state of mantra. "OM MANI PADME HUM," over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over... & then some more. this is a mantra that invokes the embodiment of compassion. compassion for oneself & ones predicament.
i always thought it interesting that baba ram dass would refer to life as a 'predicament'... but the longer i try to live consciously, the more i realize the aptness of his terminology. we get stuck. it's inevitably built into our thinking minds, our reactionary bodies. instinct. free thought. chaos.

we can barely seem to maintain control over our own instinctive impulses, how do we expect to have control over others'? trust, i think, comes with believing enough in those we love to allow them to make their choices & live out their experience in their own unique way.
i truly do believe that every life path can be viewed as beautiful, if you know how to adjust your angle & manage your emotional vehicle.
getting too involved is where the messiness begins.
remember, mantra. BE. HERE. NOW. inside the vessel of your own being, connected to the Source. don't carry your inner peace out on your sleeve for everyone to fuck with. this doesn't mean you build a wall of resentment around it. it simply means you allow your thoughts to pass freely, while recognizing that you are not those thoughts. what you are is much bigger, much more significant. there's no urgency. time does not exist on the plane where our real self resides.
if you get caught up, forgive yourself. assimilate that experience & move to higher ground.

at the end of the day, the only one you're responsible for is you. everyone surrounding you is basically holding up a mirror, showing you secrets about yourself. after all, how you react to someone's stimuli has a lot more to say about where you are, not where that person is.
forgive relentlessly & live freely. don't bind your feet for fear of falling.
embrace every single moment & try to find ways to understand rather than ways to condemn. if you try to see the good in people, it's there.

fake it until you make it; this is something i do frequently. understand the ups & downs. fuck up. fix it. fuck up again. keep repeating patterns until you're propelled to the next page.
someone once told me they can't understand why i "have this tendency to preach how life is beautiful and then turn around and engage in self destructive habits after." well, the answer has more layers than an onion. just because i can see the beauty doesn't mean i'm not still only another flawed person. & sometimes we need the darkness to fathom the light. one cannot exist without the other. the tough things, the hardest moments, are the most fertile soil in which to grow. life is not a battle ground, it's a training ground.

trust yourself. not the unceasing voice in your head, but the part of you that existed before there was stardust. the part that is without attachment, without fear.


you are well-loved. take care.