each time i revisit this blog, it seems to have been nearly a year since my last post.
obviously, consistency isn't my strong suit. and you know what? THAT IS OK. i am wonderful & beautiful & extraordinarily well-loved.
i often get so frustrated with myself that a familiar wormhole of self-pity sends me spiraling into this untruth that i am a waste-- of space & talent & even breath. can you believe that? it hurts my heart to know how many of us feel this way on a regular basis. i would never treat a friend or even a stranger as though they didn't matter. i would never, ever say such nasty things to another human as i sometimes say to myself. but i cannot deny that these feelings have, each & EVERY time, inspired greatness to move & stir within this meager body. without the darkness, there would be no dawn... so to speak.
it is my intention to spend this entire week involving myself in intense self-care. i will spend much time in prayer, petitioning for guidance, & reconnecting with the deepest part of myself that i have let fall by the wayside as of late. i will take baths & go to bed early & hug myself. i will hold my child & allow amazement to wash over me as i remember how my body beget such a creation.
currently, i feel lost & at a loss-- in many aspects of my life. change/upheaval often sends my energies scattered. but in the end, i have always been able to harness my fairie dust mentalities once again & inevitably grow from the experience.
that being said, when i should've been burying myself further into my intuition & that place of magick within, i instead took a "break" to deal with the loss of a family friend & with the weight of the decisions i need to make about a few people's places in my life.
i am not sure why i do that.. why i drop my spiritual pursuits when i need them most.. but through the incredible sense of self awareness i have been gifted, it is certainly something i am coming to terms with. loving myself.. weaknesses & mistakes, included. it is, in fact, all of these parts of me that make up the beautiful soul i carry around in this vessel.
i aspire to let life flow through me, while also living purposefully. i want to be self-sufficient, while also hopefully maintaining a loving partnership. i have always felt like a paradox & believe i may be forever unstable. but i hope to no longer let that inherent instability dictate my self-view. it's tough not to hate myself for my escapist tendencies sometimes, but the key is in picking up all the pieces & continuing to move forward. everything is happening for a reason. every single millisecond. embrace it. resistance is futile!
No comments:
Post a Comment